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So cool that whenever someone asks the president, “did you eat the Lindbergh baby” he’s like, “no but I’d be allowed to, I have the right to, I might do it later”

The typeface for The Good Son is truly unhinged

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Everything is being made by and marketed to rich people and aspiring rich people who have been driven insane by their wealth or ambition to wealth

About as close to a real Trojan Horse as you're gonna get

sometimes my phone screen is too dim so i'll take a minute to hold him up to a lamp to inspire him. when i turn him back around his screen is once more bright and cheerful. who else can we hold to the light in this way. who else needs to remember how good they can be

Hell yeah brothers

They are emphasizing the "white guy who says the n-word" portion of Twain's career when giving out the award this year.

if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil

I’m doing incredibly well for someone whose main hobby seems to be doing things that are incredibly bad for me

Because you need to gaze upon a newborn whitecoat harp seal. 🤭🥰

Engraving “the last argument of middle management” on my cannonballs