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I’m washing the clothes at night and hanging them out on the line so that tomorrow greets me with hopefully not horrible stains but at the very least not a giant pile of regret and despair in the bathroom.

If you see this, quote the energy you bring to Bluesky

Tom from Tom and Jerry Looking SadAlt: Tom from Tom and Jerry Looking Sadstatic.klipy.com

I made this playlist a few days before the awful terrible fucked up devastatingly horrible thing happened, and yet every song seems apropos to how I feel now and it’s a fucking punch in the gut. Still listening though. And disassociating away, in every direction possible.

Linda’s Mix 7Playlist · Linda · 61 itemsopen.spotify.com

So now these are my topics of conversation: Ash ash all the time, why am I sweating, my disbelief that I could be aging so quickly and/or how quickly the year is going by, and too much tv and films.

Three weeks since I last saw Ash :(

It’s not possible for me to express how difficult the last nearly three weeks have been, but I thank everyone who’s reached out to me, whether by text or having attended the funeral or even just thinking about Ash; just the acknowledgment that he existed and that his loss is so huge means a lot.

It’s a week yesterday since the funeral. I can’t stop counting down (or up) days #ash

The temptation to give myself a really hard time in the form of post outlining all the ways I’ve fucked up is almost overwhelming. Thankfully, I have the lessons of regret from when I’ve previously gone blaaaah and had to read it back the next day, which I choose to learn from tonight.

My issue tonight is that it’s creeping up on the longest time I haven’t seen him for 21 years #ash

I will be glad when I have the house to myself and Aiden. But fuck anyone who tells me I can’t help a friend.

It’s two weeks and a few hours since I learned that Ash was gone. I don’t think there’ll be day from now on when I’m not counting. #ash

And now I’m inside, surrounded by his funeral flowers, watching them start to wilt and fall away. Thankfully, there’s a lot of native bouquets that will dry naturally and won’t be so fucking depressing. #ash

Anyway, one more horrible black market smoke and then I’ll get back to catching up on Masterchef.

And I sit out here, listening to the sounds of them lapping in town, and all I can think of his how much Ash wanted a driver’s licence, and how I fucking whussed out because I am and always will be be a fucking coward.

I’m unloading on here because otherwise it’s just me muttering to myself on the back stairs, my words lost to the wind.

My sister really needs to work on her fucking timing.

I truly believe that eating octopus should be as taboo as eating whale and turtle. Please, can we not?

My son suggested I should go the local shopping centre at 2pm and to sit in the food court which is really echoey to watch the mayhem and play ‘spot the cooker’. I didn’t but I shoulda. #ausalert

Good lawd, I nearly had a heart attack.

@sidecardave.bsky.social Ash loved you and the little girls so much. I know he annoyed the fuck out of you as a boy, but you woulda loved him as a man so much. He was increasingly funny.